If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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