Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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