Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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