the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
