Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
