He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
