i permit you to call me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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