Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
