you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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