Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
