Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
