Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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