They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
