If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
