I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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