Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
