So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
