May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
