Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
