32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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