No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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