Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
