Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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