Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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