I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
