tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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