just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize