she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
