It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
