would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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