I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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