i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
