Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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