he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
