I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
