I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
