woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
