So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
