Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
