The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
