If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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