.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
