Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
