I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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