So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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