I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
