There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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