It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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