Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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