no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
