Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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