textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So many bounce houses so little time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
