i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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