The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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