It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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