i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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