i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
