one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
