yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
