is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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