I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize