Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
