i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
