can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
