Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
