hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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