how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
