my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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