I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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