Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
