I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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