I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
