I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
