Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
