I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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