First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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